Hilaria Baldwinis sharing more details about the heartbreaking miscarriage she suffered late last year at four months along in her pregnancy.
In a candid essay forGlamour, the 36-year-old fitness instructor andMom Brainpodcast host opens up about experiencing the harrowing loss in November, just seven months after sheexperienced a miscarriage in April.
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“I got in a cab at some point, making calls, schedulinga follow-up [dilation and evacuation surgery]and canceling work accordingly,” she continues. “I felt like I was in shock. I went into this appointment excited to see her and share pictures with my family and friends; I left needing to tell them all that she had died. It was a surreal turn of events.”
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Hilaria “was so excited to be a mom again” and to have a daughter on the way, as her and husbandAlec Baldwin‘s oldest child and only daughter, 6-year-oldCarmen Gabriela, wanted a little sister badly. (The couple also share sonsRomeo Alejandro David, 20 months,Leonardo Ángel Charles, 3, andRafael Thomas, 4½, while Alec, 61, is dad to 24-year-old daughterIreland.)
“I cried so much that my eyes were nearly swollen shut,” she remembers. “I didn’t know the body could make so many tears. This was a pain that I had never experienced before, and it felt suffocating.”
RELATED VIDEO: Hilaria Baldwin Suffers a Second Miscarriage at Four Months Along After Previous Pregnancy Loss in April
Through the pain, Hilaria vowed to “heal” for herself and her family, and advises others who have experienced the level of sadness she has “to be your own advocate,” even if it’s difficult. “I had to tell myself that I deserved to heal and to be happy again. This lesson became my mantra,” she says. “Processing and going through grieving was important, but I didn’t have to be condemned to a life of emotional punishment and suffering.”
Aftersharing her story, Hilaria says she“heard from thousands of women,” including those “who felt society would blame them for choosing to prioritize a career over a family — for missing their peak fertility years or for putting too much stress on their body. Women who didn’t know how to tell their families, afraid of being a disappointment. The list goes on, but the common thread is that women bear a lot in silence when it comes to motherhood.”
“We are a group that has been taught to be closed, and I have decided that I don’t want to be,” she writes. “In opening up, not only do I wantto heal myself through sharing my story, but I also want to show others that there is another path — one of openness. When you let reality in, it can be difficult to swallow, but once you do, you have something tangible to work with. Even when it is so painful and you feel like you have hit the bottom of the ocean, you can touch it, feel it and then press off it to propel you back up into more shallow waters.”
source: people.com
