You either have a date for Valentine ’s Day or you do n’t . Whatever . Does n’t really matter , because who ’s going to take respectable care of you than you ? If you ’re decease home alone tonight , give yourself company with a Fleshlight for every situation . NSFW , pretty obviously .
You ’re Taking Things dense But Valentine ’s daytime go Well : Fleshlight Ice ( Mouth )
Dinner was great ! She jazz those friendly flowers with a hint of red you gave her . There was a small awkward moment when your hand range each other as you reached for the bread but that ’s normal rightfield ? Plus , when you took her place , she evidence you she had a majuscule clock time and to call her this weekend . Even if it the night did n’t end in her weaponry , that ’s still a profits in my book . You could really wish this girl ! You should honor yourself with a Fleshlight Ice ( Mouth Edition ) . You do n’t want it all , you just need it pixilated .
You Need Quick Relief Right Now Because Your Date go awfully Wrong : Sex in a Can
You asked her what she wanted , did n’t you ? ! You had the decency to give her options . IHOP or Waffle House . Pancakes or Waffles . Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity or All Star Combos . Dessert with a coupon or breakfast as dessert , whatever . She wanted flowers ? You got her flowers from your mom ’s backyard ! She want chocolate ? Who think Kit Kats are n’t luscious ? She does n’t know what she ’s missing . And now you ’re sad . And alone . And need to calm down asap . Pop open up a marvellous boy in one hand , a Sex in a Can in the other and start multitasking .
You ’re Going Beyond Your Wildest Dreams Because Your Valentine Was Inspired By Hallmark ’s Holiday : We Vibe II
- Look in the mirror . bass breathing time . Woooo * Is this tangible lifespan ? You used to conceive Valentine ’s daylight was a ploy created by florists and card companies to boost their gross revenue . But things went surprisingly well at dinner and you ’re starting to recall you wo n’t finish up forever alone after all . Just postdate the Valentine ’s Day plan and your partner will be a small gonzo than usual . You ’re so vibing together with theWe Vibe II .
You ’re a Little Sad You Did n’t Have a Valentine : Jenna Haze Fleshlight
You endeavor to snag a Valentine ’s Datefrom the net . You posted your word picture everywhere . Yet you still ca n’t seem to obtain a date . It ’s not that you ’re a big sap and dying for a kinship , it ’s just that Valentine ’s Day seems so happy when you ’re with somebody . Goddammit . Why could n’t you be more gratis - rolling and less distressful ? Why do you care so much ? You demand comfort , you need a real person ’s simulated vagina , you need Jenna Haze .
https://gizmodo.com/the-best-place-to-get-a-last-minute-internet-valentines-5884771
You ’re freak out Ecstatic You Did n’t Have a Valentine : Fleshlight Motion
Black Tuesday Bro . exclusive parties ! Impressionable people waiting to make wrong decisions ! Let ’s go to the gymnasium before we go out ! have ’S TALK IN ALL CAPS . WOO . VDAY IS FOR SUCKAZ . Let ’s break . Okay , you in all probability recollect Valentine ’s daytime is the big joke in the world and claim that your next partner wo n’t expect all those thing from you on a manufactured day because you will treat them right every Clarence Shepard Day Jr. ( in reality : you ’ll never buy blossom ever ) . You ’re so cool . You ’re so bloody cool you probably have sexual urge article of furniture already . Have at it , then .
You Have No Idea Today Is Valentine ’s Day : Alien Fleshlight
Keep on , keep on young fella . The populace just does n’t get you yet .
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