Hey , remember when archaeologist foundthat gigantic black sarcophaguslast calendar month in Egypt and everyone say opening it would lead tosomething dire ?
And then they were right , because it immediately free a wave ofrequests to drinkthe repellent crimson sewage that was found inside , and literally tens of thousand of citizenry signeda petitiondemanding to be given " the cursed mummy milkshake " , rather in the form of " some sort of carbonated energy potable " .
Well , you may have also heard thatthe universe ’s oldest cheese was recently excavatedin an Egyptian tomb too .
Yeah , you probably know where this is go .
The cheese , described by its discoverers as a " whitish spate " , is over 3,200 years old , was found in the Valley of the Dead , and contains bacterium that leavesanimals deadand humans justwishing they were – making it not just unappetizing , but so obviously cursed it may as well come with its own copy of theNecronomicon . And yet …
Yes , ofcoursepeople need to corrode the diseased tomb tall mallow . It ’s 2018 . That ’s just where mankind is right now , it turns out .
For many people , the ancient cheese ’s uncovering brought back the still - fresh trauma of being denied the cherished sarcophagus juice .
Although others intelligibly still have n’t given up hope that they ’ll finally get their hand on that sweet , sweet mummy liqueur – with disease cheese as a devilishlypiquanthors d’oeuvre .
In fact , some masses have start out planning a whole cursed dinner party .
Others have been wondering what the next course on the satanic menu might be .
Unlike the red sarcophagus liquid , there does not yet look to be enough interest in eating the cheese to demand a prayer . reason given for imbibe the mummy succus graze from the spuriously scientific – " The laws of scientific discipline demand the juice be tested to see what powers it will cede , and to see if it is luscious " – to the existential – " we live in a world where entropy reigns supreme , we are just Pisces in the stream of cosmos , so why should n’t I at least get to tope skeleton juice ? " – to the pragmatic – " I ’m very thirsty " – to the , well , at least honorable about the consequences – " I want to die " – and , understandably , there has been interest in whether the original orison creator is going to continue his fight for us * piddling guys to actualize our * lot via the medium of extremely revolting ancient appetizers . Unfortunately for those who skipped luncheon , he ’s baby-sit this one out – urge others to take up the cause in his place .
So there you go – if you really desire to eat that cheese , folks , you ’re going to have to put in the strong work yourselves . But at least you have these word of encouragement to goad you on :
Inspiring .
- Please note " us " does n’t actually include , you know , us . The IFLS team will not be wipe out any disease cheese . No , we ’re not drinking any mummy juice either . No way .
