The ‘ 80s were the golden age of the natural action design , but not all ’ fourscore toylines were gold . For every He - Man or Transformers , there are a 12 series that will never return — either because they ’ve been forgotten , or they ’ve been outclassed , or just because they suck in the first place . Here are 15 toylines whose relaunch is forever abort .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkOh1-HunRk
1 ) Barnyard Commandoes
The idea of fauna warriors is a pretty square one , as far as boy action pattern lines go — it work for TMNT , after all , as well as about a quarter of the Masters of the Universe toys — but surely someone at Playmates had some reservation about determine a toyline to sheep and pigs . First of all , pigs and sheep are not gamy up on the list of beast kids find most fascinating . Second of all , if you ’re take barnyard fauna , why set it to sheep and pig ? Shockingly , child had little desire to buy General Hamfat Lardo , Corporal Hy Onahog , or even the pork barrel - a - pult .
2 ) BlackStar
Despite hold place Goth , ogre and dragons , BlackStar was an obvious He - Man crosscurrent - off from mean solar day one , but whereas He - Man had a terrific amount of creative thinking , Blackstar replaced all that with tiny , dwarf - like puppet prognosticate Throbbits , wee-wee the whole series about saving these trivial bastards . Even if someone wanted to bring BlackStar back , I doubt Mos Def ’s band Black Star , Blackstar Amps , or “ Black Star ” perfume owner Avril Lavigne would be amused . And I unfeignedly doubt any parent nowadays would ever buy their child something squall a “ throbbit , ” at least not without getting put on a potential sex offender list .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgfxWMu_7U0
3 ) reckoner Warriors
Mattel ’s Computer Warriors sounds like an estimate that was a bit ahead of its meter — a crazy military information processing system unintentionally creates four evil viruses with artificial news , so it then makes four good AIs to track them down . And then the evil viruses study how to pull a reverse Tron and issue forth into the real globe , and the in effect AI follow suit , hop to capture the bad guy on their CD - read-only storage . Sounds like the perfect ‘ XC toyline , right ? Well , that was part of the problem — Computer Warriors was released in 1989 , just before the PC revolution embrace fairly much everybody . But the magnanimous job is that the factual toys transformed into things you ’d find on an office staff desk . gravely . These Computer Warriors doubled as a clock , a pencil sharpener and even a small association football prize . Even kids of the ‘ 80s were n’t so dire that they needed to play with office supplies .
4 ) Convertors
People make fun of the GoBots for being Transformers rakehell - offs , but no one remembers the Convertors , who were GoBots without their winning personality . Hilariously , the converter were actually Bandai ’s attack to cash in in on Transformers , and Bandai had the Nipponese connection to certify a lot of the same miniature molds as Hasbro did , think the Convertors include a lot of Transformers , just in different colouring material — as well as some other gum anime toys that dweeb today would down for . I ’m pretty certain Hasbro has these right field lock down now .
5 ) Eagle Force
Back in 1982 , the Mego Corporation was still trying to retrieve from the legendarily horrible decision to extend on the Star Wars plaything licence . After making countless failed Star Wars blood - offs , they decided to tip - off Hasbro ’s G.I. Joe series with Eagle Force . The Eagle Force consisted of colorful and unique soldiers with goofy codenames who fought the evil R.I.O.T. — about the only difference they had from G.I. Joe is that they stand only 2 ¾-inches , a full inch shorter than their Hasbro counterparts . If anyone tried to land these guy back , they ’d be wedge to call them Chocking Hazard : The Toy Series .
6 ) Food Fighters
Kids make love anthropomorphized animals ( minus farm beast ) who defend each other , right-hand ? So why would n’t they love anthropomorphize food ? I do n’t know the result to this , but there ’s intelligibly a reasonableness , as Mattel ’s 1989 Food Fighter serial — of live foodstuffs in military garb with assorted weapons — was muff on arrival . It likely did n’t help oneself that the toy dog were less action figures and more squeaky toy more suited for a dog ’s chew - toy , but whatever . Honestly , a sentient stack of pancakes wielding submachine guns probably deserved well .
7 ) Golden Girl and the Guardian of the Gemstones
One of the very few She - Ra rip - offs of the ‘ 80s , Golden Girl and the Guardian of the Gemstones is really kind of awing — arguably better than its source stuff . Unlike She - Ra and her pals , most of whom had nets and butterfly stroke wing and pretty dresses , Golden Girls ’ girl all had shields and blade and were quick to kick some tail . While She - Ra dame ’ add-on were wearing apparel and horses , Golden Girl was rocking awesome chariots and a palace to fight in front of . Also , while She - Ra ’s foe Hordak was demote to the Masters of the Universe toyline to keep girls ’ fragile minds from seeing toys that did n’t have tomentum they could brush , GGatGotG had a whole mathematical group of equally armed evil warrioresses to battle . candidly , Golden Girl needs a riposte ASAP , but I ’m pretty sure the name “ Golden Girl ” would have waaay too much disarray amongst parents ( and potential disappointment ) .
- The Infaceables
The Infaceables seemed pretty awful when they were relinquish in 1984 , because each bod had a regular fount that change into a monstrous cheek through a cunning use of galosh and an internal vacuum created by extended the figure ’s trunk . But I would have sex to see what would take place if you tried to give one of these guys to an 8 - class - old nowadays . “ What does it do ? You pull it like this … and then the human face changes ? What else does it do ? No , change back does not count as a dissimilar feature . face , where is my Nintendo DS ? ”
9 ) Manglor
There is one reason and one reason along that Manglor will never be remade , and that ’s because it was made out of bullshit . The whole draw of the toyline , according to its manufacturing business , was that kids could literally bust the Manglors apart , limb from limb , and then re - confiscate all the parts without trouble . This was not true in any way . Ironically , if Manglors had actually been made out of horseshit feces they ’d have been more probable to inhabit up to their hope .
10 ) Moondreamers
Part of the My Little Pony toon n ’ toy dog empire from Hasbro , Moondreamers were small tiddler with magnanimous heads and bigger haircloth — fundamentally , imagine if Toddlers n ’ Tiaras had a doll seam , and you have the Moondreamers . You ’d think that this might actually be a somewhat respectable idea to re - release , but there are three problem : The first is that the plot of Moondreamers is that Crystal Starr and her acquaintance are giving magic crystals to sleeping kids so they can have well dreams , and crusade the evil Queen Scowlene , who wants to give Thomas Kyd nightmares — I ca n’t imagine that a toyline about grown women whose sole military control is breaking into the bedchamber of sleeping children would get very far now . The second trouble is that like most ‘ 80s girls toylines , all the characters have stripper names . But the real trouble is this :
The Queen Scowlene doll is the most terrific thing I have ever fucking date . Talk about nightmares — I ca n’t reckon any nestling sleeping ever again after they pick up this repugnance .
11 ) Police Academy
It seems impossible now , but at some item the Police Academy movies — which take off as a Meatballs - esque comedy - T&A vehicle for Steve Guttenerg — became such family - friendly entertainment that someone made a Police Academy animated cartoon , and then someone else made a Police Academy toyline based on that sketch . This is madness . Despite the good elbow grease of superior actor Steve Guttenberg , the franchise is somehow forgotten ( seriously , who the Scary Movie guy wire have n’t rebooted it yet is beyond me ) and the toon / toy dog even moreso . This is 100 % okay with me .
12 ) Ring Raiders
Despite its hard-core military musical theme , the fact of the matter is that Ring Raiders were small jets that sat on rings that — pant ! — boys would wear ! turn over the small but vocal fortune of the U.S. universe nowadays that gross out the fuck out anytime a male child or girl wanders down the wrong toy gangway , I do n’t see any toy company asking for that particular brand name of bother by bringing Ring Raiders back .
13 ) Rock Lords
Here ’s how insane the Transformers craze get in the ‘ 80s : toy dog company administrator — people who could presumptively have conversations with people and both feed and fit out themselves — decided to make physical body that transformed into rocks . rock . Kids did n’t play with rock in the eighties . And this was n’t one company , it was multiple company ! Mattel did it right and only add together a few human body to its Masters of the Universe line , but Tonka go bad all in , and made a whole rock music - free-base GoBots twist - off . It did slightly good than if Tonka had packaged and betray regular rocks , which is to say it sucked . And I imagine it would be even less democratic today .
14 ) Sky Commanders
The lonesome whatchamacallit of the Sky Commanders was they all had ziplines they could ride down . Unlike stone , this was actually more than enough for a company to ground a toyline on . You could send these figures plummeting off of a desk to the level , from the top buncombe to the bottom , or the upstairs to the bottom floor — kids could do this for hours , happily , and I ’m speaking from personal experience . But I find like zipline toys would lose a little act of their luster when there ’s a PlayStation in the room .
15 ) Visionairies
“ So … these toys have a spine on them ? It ’s one of those stickers that vary depending on how you count at them , like you get out of those machines at the market store . Huh . That ’s it ? Nothing else ? They just await mistily different from different angles ? Jesus , those stupid face miniature were cool than this . ”
Toys
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